


A Heart that's been Loved

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Loss of Parent(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 06:39:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16697350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Y/N experiences a loss





	A Heart that's been Loved

You were completely numb. It felt as if the last few months of your life had been spent inside of the wall of the terminal care facility. It wasn’t just a feeling either, reality was it wasn’t far from the truth. Ever since your mom had been admitted, you had went to see her every afternoon. Today that part of your life had came to a crashing halt as she took her final breath with her hand in yours.

Of all the ways you had imagined losing your mom, ALS wasn’t one of them. You had grown up as a hunter. It was in your blood. The life had been what had taken all of your family from you up until this second.

You thought back to the day you had lost your dad. Your mom’s cries as she held his lifeless body and John Winchester’s hand wiping the tear from your face. You remembered his words. You remembered him telling you not to cry, but use your pain to push on. Use your anger to not get dead, but stop any monster you came across from taking from others what they had from you.

That had never been your way. John Winchester wasn’t a bad man but he never understood you. Just like he never fully understood his sons. Dean had though. He had sat with you every night as tears silently streamed down your face. He had held you close, been your comfort and your strength then and all the years since.

You and your mom had left the life when she had gotten sick and Dean had put as much distance between the two of you and him and his brother as possible. Not because he didn’t respect your mom’s choice to not let Cas heal her. She wanted to die the way she had never lived. Normal and natural. It had taken you weeks of anger and screaming tears, but you had accepted her choice and gone with her. You had kissed Dean goodbye, trying not to cry as he cupped your face reminding you, you’d always have a family and a home with him and Sam.

God you wished he was here with you now as you walked around the empty room, that had been yours and your mom’s life for the past months. You took the supermarket flowers from the window cell and let them fall into the trash. You poured yesterday’s ginger beer down the sink. You folded her clothes and packed up the cards Sam had sent you from the road. Under different names each time, but you’d recognize his handwriting anywhere. You let yourself fall down on the bed as you picked up the photo album that you had made her, flicking through the pages, witnessing a life that had been loved.

You took a deep breath before placing it in the box with the rest of her things, moving it to the table so you could make her bed for the last time. You were in pieces as the loss threatened to tear you apart. You fought to hold back the tears, blinking hard to keep them at bay as you kept your hands busy, smoothing over the sheets. You tried to remember your mom’s words; A heart that is broken is a heart that’s been loved. You held onto her belief of a place in heaven with your father and everlasting peace. You tried to see the world like she did. She never stopped believing in love and hope. She never wanted you to leave Dean’s side to come stay here with her but you had. It hadn’t stopped her from reminding you everyday that a life with love was a life worth living.

You hadn’t believed her then. You had been devastated and all you saw when you thought of Dean was someone else you would end up losing, but now as you stood there looking at the neatly cleaned room, with nothing else to do than leave behind the room with the last memories of your mom. The only thing left for you to do was to steal her body from the morgue and give her a hunter’s funeral like she wanted and deserved. All you could do was think of Dean and how much you needed him with you.

Sudden as lightning it hit you. You would never see your mom again. That was all it took. Something in you broke and a bone chilling scream fell from your lips, as your hand crashed against the lamp on her bedside table sending it flying across the room. It hit the wall, splintering into pieces. But it shattering didn’t stop the breaking of your heart. It didn’t stop the pain, you felt stabbing your chest and prickling through your limbs.

You twirled around ready to break everything else in your path but you were stopped by a wall of muscles. Two strong arms pulling you against his warm chest. The sound of a steady heartbeat and the smell of gunpowder, whiskey and leather instantly calming your storm. It was still there but it no longer threatened to tear you to shreds, not with Dean’s arms safely wrapped around you as you cried, holding you together just like he always had.

He didn’t hush you or speak a word. He simply let you cling to him, as you cried. He held you up, preventing your knees to give up from under you. He was your strength and the love your mom knew you had needed.  

You didn’t know that had been her final request the night before she died while you slept. You didn’t know that she had asked one of the nurses to call him, giving her one of Dean’s numbers. It wasn’t until weeks later when you started wondering how he had known, Dean had told you how he had dropped everything. Leaving the case he had been working to Sam and Cas, while driving himself across the country to be with you.

It wasn’t until then you knew your mom had been right. No matter how scary it was. No matter if or when you were gonna lose him, life wasn’t worth living without love. Dean was yours and you were his. You didn’t need anything else but him and your mom had known that. She had watched you grow up. She had seen the young woman you had become and she had seen how happy, safe and loved Dean Winchester made you feel. As much as she had always wished normal for you, she knew that wasn’t what you needed. You needed Dean as much as the air you were breathing. You hadn’t known, but she had. She had given him back to you in the moment you needed him the most and you were never leaving his side ever again.

You were going to live and love for as long as you were still breathing. You were going to fight and cry and fear, but it was all going to be worth it with Dean Winchester by your side, holding you close and loving you through it all. A life with love is a life worth living and you were going to live.


End file.
